Enid replied!

Wow Enid responded to my open letter!  I can’t believe it!  I’m so thrilled.  She’s back!  

Hey Elizabeth (and Jessica since I know you guys do EVERYTHING together *vomit*)

So the other day I went to this amazing party where everyone was doing drugs (pause while Elizabeth freaks out YES DRUGS LIZ) but I’ve kind of done that scene so I was totally over it and went home early.  Also the guy I’ve been fooling around with wasn’t there because his band was playing Saturday Night Live or some shit, whatever.  ANYWAY I was googling myself, which I do on a regular basis, and I came across this blog (completely lame by the way guys) and your “open letter”.  Dude, you have my address, what are you too good for the mail now?

Look the reason I ditched you in Uni was because I was sick and tired of being the simpering robin to your bombshell batman.  Plus your sister is a total A-hole and it used to drive me mad watching her do awful stuff which you were completely blind to.  To be honest I wanted to push out on my own long before we left High School but there was no way I could undo all those years of being a side kick chump without shaving my head or getting a tattoo on my face or something.  So I played it safe and kept my head down, worked hard, and accepted that people would only ever see me as a nerd.  I have to say, it wasn’t too bad, you were pretty good to me, if completely patronising and condescending.  

But when we left School I finally had the chance to become someone new.  I had a total blast at Uni, I dated a freaking JOCK and got really hot and ditched my lame ass name.  It was awesome, sorry if you felt left out but get over it, you have the most perfect life ever.  Obviously I then took it too far and had to go to rehab blah blah blah, I’m sure you read about that in the Sweet Valley ‘Those We Have Lost To Sin’ Newsletter, or whatever it is you freaks use to get all your gossip.  I’m pretty straight now though, I feel like I finally know who I am.  So look if you really want to be friends again that’s cool, I’m back living in Sweet Valley so we can go to the Dairy Burger and talk about our feelings and shit if you want.  But you have to understand, I’m never gonna be the dorky old Enid you once knew.  I dye my hair, I wear kohl, I watch Daria.  I’m not impressed by your size six figures and Californian blonde hair, I’m pretty hot myself, although you guys won’t be able to appreciate that since you’re a pair of Barbies.  

Cool.  Let me know. 


P.S. Jessica – bite me. 

Isn’t that awesome?!  We’re going to be best friends and hold hands in the mall and talk about how clumsy she is!  I actually called her after I recevied this and she even said she’ll write for the blog!  She said, “Only shit I care about, no crap about barettes” which I think means she’s going to do a piece about barettes!  Watch this space guys!


2 Responses to “Enid replied!”
  1. Jessica Wakefield says:

    Enid, if I could do fractions I could tell you how little percent of this letter I actually fully understand, word-wise. But I do hear you about barettes – I hope nobody has been giving you crap about wearing them, and if they do, just let your feelings out and write a blog about it, OK?

    I would say ‘bite me’ back, but you really don’t need the calories.

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