Enid Tells Us How To Be “Alt”

Hey guys!

I just got sent a post from Enid, it’s all about being alternative and stuff, whatever that means!  Hope you guys like it,

Stay Perfect, 



“May 4th

School was really rough today.  Ronnie was being really harsh to me, as usual.  I tried to talk to Liz about it but she was busy with Jess.  When I finally did speak to her she just said, “You’re lucky to have a guy like Ronnie, Enid!  You should try and make him happy!”  Sometimes I feel like Liz doesn’t get that her and I are separate people, that I have my own ideas and opinions.  She talks to me like I’m her ten year old neighbour who has shown up at her birthday in lipstick and her mom’s high heels, “Yes blah blah blah I know you’re a grown up but can you go sit over there and try not to ruin everyone’s night?”  I love my life and my friends but sometimes I really don’t feel like I belong”

Newsflash: That’s because you didn’t belong douchebag!

Above is an extract from my High School diary.  I’m sorry to say that self-nullifying whiny excerpt is one of hundreds that make up the pages of my ‘My Little Pony Journal’.  Man, I’d give anything to go back in time and hold a mirror up to that girl, “What do you think you’re doing?!  Who are you trying to be?!  Take off that dumb denim floppy hat!”  But sadly time is fleeting, and my youth has fled.  However in those years of quiet insecurity I did, secretly, develop my own interests.  When I left High School I finally felt ready to push myself out of Liz’s shadow, because I’d built up my own confidence by surrounding myself with the things and places that I loved.  Now I want to share a few of my own experiences with you guys so if there’s anyone out there that feels like I felt, they’ll know they’re not alone (vomit). 

1. Run Away

I’ve run away like 8 times.  First to New York when I was a teenager, which was pretty cool.  I got a job in a bar even though I was under-age and we had lock in’s and Jane’s Addiction would come in sometimes and tell me I was cool.  I think I made out with one of them but it might have just been their roadie.  Whatever.  Some guy in a suit with business cards and gelled hair said I was funny so then I started doing stand up at the Luna Lounge.  I don’t think I was very good, I mainly just talked about my periods.  It was about that time that I met Janeane Garafalo, she told me I needed to loosen up and not just talk about tampax, I was like “whatever” but now I kind of wish I’d listened to her as I would have been better than her in ‘Romy and Michelle’s High School Reunion’.  That movie was basically my life.  I even tried to sue the producers. 

2. Date a rock star

When I moved to LA from NY I became obsessed with the idea of dating a rock star.  I guess it harked back to my days of being at school and wanting to date a jock.  Rock stars are the jocks of LA.  I started hanging out in San Pedro with Firehose and through them met Sonic Youth.  I tried my best to date Thurston but he wasn’t into it.  I still don’t get why.  I had a tattoo and everything.  Oh that reminds me:

3. Get a tattoo

Anyway, back to dating a rockstar.  Eventually I got with the lead singer of Blind Melon.  That was an amazing 3 weeks and I’ll never forget it.  

4. Go to a rave

Raves in America are OK, but they’re so not what it’s about.  So I went to England in Europe to see The Real Thing.  I lived in London for 6 months and got a really good English accent, but only on three sentences, “oh absolutely”, “I guess you’re right” and “I’d love to!”  Obviously those are all positive in sentiment but I found I could manage quite well just by being super sarcastic when I wanted to say no to something.  While I was there I lived in a squat near Covent Garden and we used to see Alex James walking around at 4am looking for “a couple of crunchies” whatever they are.  Anyway I made friends with this guy Swampy and he took me to a rave called Tribal Gathering in the middle of nowhere.  It was so good, there were like 20’000 people there and I was covered in UV paint and this guy called Pete Thong DJ’d for hours and hours and hours.  I stayed up all night and tried to ride a horse back to London but I got arrested and had to call my mom in America so she could get me released.  Whatever. 

5.  Have a cartoon made about you

OK you know ‘Daria’? Yeah, hi.  That’s me.  

6. Give it all up and sell out

By the time I got back to LA I was completely broke and about 1 stone lighter, so I decided I should get a full on proper job.  MTV were looking for someone to front their Dial MTV show, I didn’t get it but I did run the autocue for Adam Curry.  Sometimes I’d write stuff that didn’t make any sense and he’d get really mad.  It was hilarious.  I got to meet loads of hip hop people while I was there, and I totally made out with Warren G one night when he was so drunk he couldn’t walk.  That was awesome.  I have a photo of it somewhere.  Dr Dre also told me I was cute once.  I was like, “Dude you’re not a real Doctor!” See: hilarious. 

7. Move back to your hometown a hero

So now you see I’ve done it all, I’m a hero, a legend.  I have black hair now and a lip ring and at least 2 tattoos, although they’re accidentally joined together, but you know.  I’m back in Sweet Valley and I’m going to tell you all how to be cool like me – the artist formerly known as Enid Rollins.  

NEXT TIME – Style tips.  Here’s a sneak preview: STOP DRESSING LIKE A BARBIE 


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